Musings of an Idiot

Meltdown

Went out for a quiet dinner with Benji & Lance at an underground Korean BBQ place on Queen Street last night. It was a great eating experience and is highly recommended mainly because the BBQ is not gas run but by wood/charcoal - which gives it a different flavour. The 3 of us were the only non-koreans there and it looks like 'white' Aucklanders really haven't found this place yet. We followed up the dinner with a beer at the Belgian Beer Cafe on Vulcan lane - it was a mildly disappointing experience as their standards seem to have dipped slightly. We ended the night pretty early because I had work this morning. All in all an enjoyable night and thanks to everyone who called or emailed me their wishes - I do feel connected and alive.
As far as the meltdown is concerned - it looks like it's gonna happen sometime within a year if things don't go my way with a fair few things I am involved in right now. My nightmares reflect the reality of my situation and that in itself is a worrying sign. Doing a fair assessment on how things play out with me - nothing is had easily and I always have to fight for everything, especially since not many people believe in my capabilities. My self-belief combined with stubbornness and lots of support from the family is why I am where I am today. It takes it's toll and there are times you start questioning your own belief system which inevitably leads to existential/identity crisis and I feel like I am hanging by a thread over that chasm. Hopefully I can claw my way back up. I know I am lucky to be in the place where I am but we humans never got anywhere by being content with what we have. There is always scope for improvement and there is always that elusive dream that you are chasing.

Labels: LX3, Random

posted by Amit @ 9:52 PM